everybody in the city when small pig got stuck in the cement:

thank god we came up with a gender neutral variation of the word “folks”
how to fast travel: down nyquil and sleep on the public bus
tried to do this and saw a man sitting in the back dead ass eating an entire whole cucumber and remembered i cant fast travel with enemies nearby
virgos be like: why aren’t you using the lettuce knife :/
in general i think new york is very good for my social anxiety because no matter how much of a freak i’m being i know it’s probably not the weirdest thing people have seen today
case in point: i felt bad about bringing my unwieldy luggage onto a crowded train, until the man sitting next to me pulled a live fish out of his backpack
no offense but check yes juliet kill the limbo i’ll keep tossin rocks at your window
why is red dye 40 in my fucking shaving cream? why are little crushed up bugs adding a pink color to my shaving cream? why
My sister after she gets out of the shower and somehow leaves an entire gallon of water on the floor and an obscene amount of hair in the tub, like some small animal drowned in the brand new lake on the bathroom tile and then washed up in the shower drain
arthur wrote that comment
my third eye has astigmatism